Ive always had an idea of whats to happen next in life. 12th std, next was college, 4th year, PS at Munich, then was a job, off to Singapore. Dont get me wrong, there has always been the uncertainty and ive always enjoyed that. [look at this post long back]. But there was a clear direction. And now im lost. Im into this job for almost 2 years now. I crib about the pay, playback the conversation i want to have with my boss over and over again in my brain, do stuff absolutely for the sake of killing time (my masters). There is this excruciating restlessness for wanting to do something. any ideas?
Monday, May 19, 2008
Friday, May 02, 2008
The old times
The last 2 days have been weird.
It all started with a colleague's wife talking about 8 years ago. got me thinking.
Later the day i went out with a couple of friends from NUS for dinner and the conversation turned into me recounting BITS days (this friend's an exchange student from the IIT, still has a year of college to go). It did feel awesome thinking about it, the silly things that we did (which accelerated mental maturity), the long latchaa sessions and the group as such.
A good college helps u identify what u are interested in, a great college creates a future in that line. BITS is great (the greatest actually), a result : a group of 25 in 20 different places across the world. Brings us to the concept of distance. We will come to that in a while.
And then i come back watch the latest episode of Boston Legal ends with "i wake up in the morning with the hope of meeting her, wondering how her smile would look like... and end up sleeping with the promise of tomorrow"
And then something wonderful happened. A really close friend (the best friend status, for those who know me really well, thats like 5 people who can predict my thoughts) was online. I decided to buzz him, he had like 10 minutes, we have a conversation (text) for like half hour. Over the conversation i got this feeling hes going thru something, my shoulder could have helped. i remembered the dinner when i gave him my entire sad :) "story". the point is, he was there. i wished i was there with him now. People spend a lifetime caring about others. It takes a best friend to confront you with "have you thought about you? what u want to do?" and it got me thinking.
Its one of these guys :
So that was at 3AM. I had a very disturbed sleep for like 3 hours. 8AM i was off to work.
So i go to work, half asleep, still deep in thoughts, totally confused, with all the short term pleasure/goals looking worthless, found myself staring into the computer. Woman : they have this power of analysis, the sensibility, the reading between the lines and they speak right words at the right time. so i called up a BITSian senior who works with me, asked her if she wanted to go for a walk... i told her the story, and there was more... she started talking about the scrap books (ive never had one, but i collect farewell bills with everyone's sign on the back) and i got psentier :(
Pushed me deeper into the silence mode.
Later in the day, i decide to get some food, usually its this new restaurant thats in Singapore (Murugan Idly Kadai), but today i wanted to have the THE 14 idly and iddiappam from Saravana Bhavan. walk in there and there of all songs, he decides to play this one song (guesses?). end of story. i still cant figure out whats happening around me.
effectively ive redefined my wants/wishes: all that i want to this other wizard in my life to come to Singapore (he actually has a job here waiting, but bloody financial markets!), and want to meet the closest from the top photo. step 0) i met Kaushik last weekend (after a year) step 1) im going to Hong Kong next weekend :)
It all started with a colleague's wife talking about 8 years ago. got me thinking.
Later the day i went out with a couple of friends from NUS for dinner and the conversation turned into me recounting BITS days (this friend's an exchange student from the IIT, still has a year of college to go). It did feel awesome thinking about it, the silly things that we did (which accelerated mental maturity), the long latchaa sessions and the group as such.
A good college helps u identify what u are interested in, a great college creates a future in that line. BITS is great (the greatest actually), a result : a group of 25 in 20 different places across the world. Brings us to the concept of distance. We will come to that in a while.
And then i come back watch the latest episode of Boston Legal ends with "i wake up in the morning with the hope of meeting her, wondering how her smile would look like... and end up sleeping with the promise of tomorrow"
And then something wonderful happened. A really close friend (the best friend status, for those who know me really well, thats like 5 people who can predict my thoughts) was online. I decided to buzz him, he had like 10 minutes, we have a conversation (text) for like half hour. Over the conversation i got this feeling hes going thru something, my shoulder could have helped. i remembered the dinner when i gave him my entire sad :) "story". the point is, he was there. i wished i was there with him now. People spend a lifetime caring about others. It takes a best friend to confront you with "have you thought about you? what u want to do?" and it got me thinking.
Its one of these guys :
So that was at 3AM. I had a very disturbed sleep for like 3 hours. 8AM i was off to work.
So i go to work, half asleep, still deep in thoughts, totally confused, with all the short term pleasure/goals looking worthless, found myself staring into the computer. Woman : they have this power of analysis, the sensibility, the reading between the lines and they speak right words at the right time. so i called up a BITSian senior who works with me, asked her if she wanted to go for a walk... i told her the story, and there was more... she started talking about the scrap books (ive never had one, but i collect farewell bills with everyone's sign on the back) and i got psentier :(
Pushed me deeper into the silence mode.
Later in the day, i decide to get some food, usually its this new restaurant thats in Singapore (Murugan Idly Kadai), but today i wanted to have the THE 14 idly and iddiappam from Saravana Bhavan. walk in there and there of all songs, he decides to play this one song (guesses?). end of story. i still cant figure out whats happening around me.
effectively ive redefined my wants/wishes: all that i want to this other wizard in my life to come to Singapore (he actually has a job here waiting, but bloody financial markets!), and want to meet the closest from the top photo. step 0) i met Kaushik last weekend (after a year) step 1) im going to Hong Kong next weekend :)
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